The best conversations in a relationship rarely happen on their own. Everyday life fills up with "what's for dinner" and "did you get the milk", and the ones that actually matter - about dreams, fears, about what we feel - somehow never find the time. And those are the ones that build closeness.
A good question can open a conversation you've both been waiting months for without knowing it. We've gathered 64 questions for couples, sorted by how deep you want to go and where you are as a couple - from light warm-ups, through questions about your relationship and your future, to the honest and intimate ones. You can treat it as a game: read them one by one and take turns answering.
Table of contents
- Warm-up questions
- Funny questions for couples
- Questions for new couples
- Questions about your relationship
- Questions about the future
- Questions for long-term couples and married partners
- Questions for long-distance relationships
- Questions that take a little courage
- Intimate questions
- Which questions for which date
- The 36 questions that lead to love
- How to talk so these questions actually work
- FAQ
Warm-up questions - light and easy
Good for the start of an evening, or when you just want to talk about something pleasant.
- What made you laugh the most today?
- If we could fly anywhere in the world tomorrow, where would we go?
- Which song always makes you think of me?
- What's your favourite shared memory from the past year?
- What's your perfect lazy weekend for the two of us?
- If we swapped lives for a day, what would you do as me?
- What have you discovered recently that you loved - a show, a place, a flavour?
- What's something I do that always lifts your mood?
Funny questions for couples
For loosening up, when you'd rather laugh than go deep.
- Which of my habits annoys you most, but you like it anyway?
- What would you do if I suddenly started speaking only in rhyme?
- Which of us would survive longer in a zombie apocalypse, and why is it obviously you?
- What was the strangest thing you thought about me at the beginning?
- If I were an animal, which one would I be?
- What's the worst gift you've ever got from me?
- How would you describe me to a stranger in three words?
Questions for new couples
Early on, the most valuable questions are the ones that help you understand how the other person works - not just what they like.
- What was your home like growing up?
- What's an absolute deal-breaker for you in a relationship?
- How can I tell you're having a bad day before you tell me?
- How do you show someone you care?
- What did you learn from your last relationship?
- What makes you feel appreciated?
- How do you prefer to handle conflict - right away, or after cooling off?
Questions about your relationship
This is where the deeper part starts. These help you understand where you are as a couple and where you're heading.
- When did you first think this might be something serious?
- Which shared moment do you find yourself returning to most often?
- How do you picture our relationship in ten years?
- What would you like us to do together more often?
- When do you feel closest to me?
- What are you proudest of in our relationship?
- What do we do well that we rarely talk about?
- Which of our shared traditions matters most to you?
If these draw you in, a ready-made deck saves you the inventing. Tell Me: Relationship is 120 questions built for exactly these conversations, from light and funny to the ones that open genuinely important topics. Open it on a phone, read them one by one and answer honestly - no pressure, no awkward silence.
Questions about the future
Worth asking before life decides for you. They don't have to end in decisions - sometimes it's enough to hear how the other person imagines it.
- How would you like an ordinary Tuesday afternoon to look for us in five years?
- What do you never want us to lose as a couple?
- Which dream are you putting off, and why?
- What would have to happen for you to call next year a good one?
- How do you picture our home if we could choose everything?
- Is there something you're afraid to discuss with me because it might divide us?
Questions for long-term couples and married partners
After years it's easy to assume you know everything. These usually prove otherwise.
- What's changed in me over the past few years that you like?
- What do you miss from the beginning of us?
- What have you discovered about yourself through being with me?
- When were you last proud of me?
- What do we do out of habit that would be worth changing?
- If you had to tell our story to a stranger, where would you start?
- What makes you still choose me, after all this time?
Questions for long-distance relationships
When you see each other rarely, the conversation has to do more work. These help keep closeness despite the distance.
- What made you think of me today?
- Which small thing about being together do you miss most right now?
- What could I do to make you feel my presence despite the distance?
- What does your day look like that I know nothing about?
- What worries you about the distance that you don't say out loud?
- What's the first thing we'll do when we see each other?
Questions that take a little courage
When you trust each other and want to go deeper, these can genuinely bring you closer.
- What scares you most when you think about us?
- What would you like to tell me but haven't had the courage to?
- What makes you feel safe with me?
- What do you need more of from me that's hard to ask for?
- What would you change about the way we argue?
- Which of my flaws do you find endearing?
- When did you last feel unnoticed by me?
Intimate questions - for couples who aren't afraid of honesty
The deepest layer - for a quiet evening together, soft light and no rush.
- What makes you feel desired by me?
- When do you most want closeness, and when least?
- Which moment between us felt the most tender to you?
- What makes you feel completely yourself with me?
- What do you value most about our closeness?
- When do you look at me and think "I chose well"?
- What would you like to try that you haven't mentioned?
- What could I do more often to make you feel loved?
And if you want to go deeper still, into tension and tenderness, Tell Me: Intimate is 80 cards that ask for more than an answer: a look, a touch, a confession, a moment without the mask. With a built-in rule that either of you can set any card aside with no explanation, because closeness grows where you both feel safe.
Which questions for which date
Not every question fits every situation. A quick guide:
First date - stick to "warm-up" and "funny". The point is to find out whether you laugh well together and sit in silence comfortably, not to conduct an interview.
Date night at home - questions about the relationship and the future. You have time, nobody's watching, nobody's rushing.
Dinner out - light and future-facing. Deep topics rarely go well with another table a metre away.
A trip together - a long drive is the perfect moment for the courage questions. The lack of eye contact in a car makes honesty easier, oddly enough.
An evening with no plan - the intimate ones. Soft light, no phones, no hurry.
The 36 questions that lead to love
You may have heard of psychologist Arthur Aron's experiment from the 1990s, in which pairs of strangers answered 36 increasingly personal questions and then looked into each other's eyes for four minutes. Some participants felt real closeness, and one pair reportedly got married.
The mechanism behind it is simple, and it works in existing relationships too: gradual mutual honesty builds closeness. It isn't about magic questions - it's that one person risks revealing a little, the other responds in kind, and so on, layer by layer.
That's why the list above runs from light to deepest, and why it's worth going through it in order rather than starting at question 57.
How to talk so these questions actually work
The list is only the beginning. A few things that make the difference:
Listen instead of waiting for your turn. A question is an invitation to a conversation, not a box to tick. Follow up, come back to what the other person said.
Don't judge the answers. Closeness grows out of feeling safe. If someone shares something difficult, that isn't the moment for criticism.
Build up gradually. Don't start with the hardest questions. A light conversation first loosens things and makes honesty easier later.
Put the phones away. It sounds obvious, but it's the only thing on this list that works instantly.
Respect boundaries. Either of you can always say "I'd rather not answer that", and that's fine.
Don't turn it into a test. If your partner's answer surprises or stings, that's information, not a verdict. The best conversations are the ones after which you both feel closer, not the ones someone won.
Ready-made question decks on your phone
Making questions up as you go sounds easy, but in practice you're usually back to "so, anything new?" by the fourth one. A ready deck handles it for you: it draws the question, guides the conversation step by step and doesn't let it stall.
- Tell Me: Relationship - 120 questions, from light and funny to the ones that open genuinely important topics. Good at any stage of a relationship.
- Tell Me: Intimate - 80 cards with more tension and tenderness, for couples who aren't afraid of honesty.
Everything lives in the Drinkify app - no printing, no cards to keep track of, lifetime access:
Prefer no installation? The decks also run in a browser - see the full collection.
FAQ
How many questions should we do in one evening? There's no rule - sometimes one good question is enough for a whole conversation. Better to stop at a few and really talk them through than to race down the list.
Are these for new couples or long-term ones? Both - there are separate sections above for each. New couples get to know each other faster, and long-term ones often discover there's still plenty left to tell. The Tell Me: Relationship deck covers both stages.
Where do we start if we've never talked like this? With the warm-up section, and ideally alongside something else - a walk, a drive, cooking. An announced "serious conversation" at the table can be more intimidating than the question itself.
What if my partner doesn't want to answer? That's normal, and it's worth respecting without pushing. You can come back to it another day, or ask what would make the conversation easier. A refusal is information too - sometimes more telling than the answer.
Can questions like these make things worse? An honest conversation sometimes surfaces things it was easier not to know - but usually they were already there. That said, if your conversations regularly end in an argument, or you've been avoiding important topics for a long time, a list of questions won't fix that. In that situation it's worth considering couples therapy.
Where can we find more ready-made questions for couples? The easiest option is a ready deck on your phone that draws the questions for you and guides the conversation. You'll find the full range in the Drinkify collection. There are more ideas in our post on games for couples.
Ready for a longer conversation? Get the Drinkify app for Android or iPhone, or pick a deck in your browser - pay once, keep it forever.
The games and question sets are intended for adults. The most important rule of a good conversation between two people is mutual respect for each other's boundaries - either of you can always decline to answer, with no explanation needed.